The Root of Envy

Spiritual work

Episode 6: Every Once in a While

What does envy tell us about our own lives?

Envy might be much more than a negative feeling aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck. In this study and podcast episode, I talk about my rock song Every Once in a While, explore the idea of envy as an indicator of not following our heart's calling, and, more importantly, comment on the role of our calling in the expansion of God's kingdom on Earth.
Page end

Finding the root of envy

In Raúl's words: Every Once in a While began four years ago when I heard that one of my cousins was doing very well at her job. I noticed that this made me envious and I thought that something was not right, that this way of feeling was wrong, and, interestingly, that this envy was probably telling me something about myself.

At that time, I couldn't understand what this feeling was telling me, so I stopped thinking about the whole thing; however, the experience became an inspiration to write a song and so, shortly after, I began writing Every Once in a While. I can notice today in certain parts of the song that I was actually quite upset—when I sing "What is this? How can I be that your success makes me so angry?" this is the perfect example of what I'm talking about. Not knowing what was going on inside me, feeling envy didn't make sense; besides, it was my own cousin! Wouldn't it make more sense to feel happy that things were actually doing great for her?

While writing the song, and to my surprise, I remembered that I had also felt, from time to time, a sense of happiness when I heard that someone had failed to achieve something; this could be failing to get a promotion at work, to achieve a personal goal, or something as ordinary as failing to get a comment on social media. So, back to the story, I had felt envy when I heard that someone was successful, and I had also felt a sense of joy, I would call it "a cruel joy," when I heard that someone had failed to achieve something. After that, I think I quickly made the connection between these two experiences, and so I realized that envy and this cruel joy were actually both sides of the same coin, that whenever I felt envy, I would also feel this cruel joy, given that I'd find out that someone had failed to achieve something.

What else were envy and the cruel joy telling me?

Something was pointing toward the fact that the right thing to feel was happiness at the news of someone's success, that this was the natural reaction God would expect from all of us. But, here I was: envious. Why wasn't I feeling happy for my cousin's success? Was this actually telling me something about my own life? The answer to this last question was that it probably was telling me something. But, what exactly? One question took to another one, and, I don't know how, I finally came to an interesting one:

Am I doing what I feel in my heart I should be doing in life?

Not knowing what to answer, I thought the answer was probably "no," because if I knew that I was following my heart's calling, then I would most likely answer a resolute "yes."

I finished writing Every Once in a While in 2016 and came back to the song in early 2020 when I decided to finally record it. Four years had gone by, and many things had changed in my life. As time had passed, it was a great opportunity to ask myself the same question that I made myself four years before: am I doing what I feel in my heart I should be doing in life? To my surprise, this time, I was inclined toward a "yes"; and I don't say that it was "a resolute yes," because I felt there was a pinch of doubt inside me; however, my inclination toward a "yes" was actually a great thing to know.

Expanding God's kingdom

Now, if I had this inclination toward a "yes," this, of course, was because I knew beforehand what my heart's calling is. What is then my heart's calling? I think it has to do with making music that talks about God, Jesus, and everything that makes our spiritual lives grow. With Every Once in a While, this would make 5 songs that I had properly recorded and released, songs that talk each about something related with God, or about nurturing our spiritual lives. And, although I am far from being a famous artist, this doesn't matter, because the satisfaction of doing what I feel I should be doing in life, is by itself the biggest reward. Of course the fame, the prestige, the money, being able to make a living out of music, all that would be nice, but that's not main the goal. If that never comes, at least I will always get to keep the happiness of knowing that "I have done my job" before God.

My heart's calling took me then to a key point:

"Working for the expansion of God's kingdom"

I quickly understood that envy and the irrational joy we feel whenever someone fails to achieve something, is actually an indicator that I don't truly understand that we all have a mission to accomplish before God, and that our personal contributions add up for God's greater glory and are absolutely necessary to expand His kingdom on Earth—I believe that only until God carries out all His plans through man will He be able to regain His kingdom on Earth, a kingdom that it's meant to have its place in every one of us.

Now, if I feel jealous because someone does what he loves and is successful in it, then it's a sign that I am not doing my part in expanding God's kingdom. The same would happen If I feel joy whenever someone falls in life. Why? Because if I were following my heart's calling, plus doing this with the sole intention that it helps expand God's kingdom, then I would feel happy whenever someone follows his own calling and is successful in life.

And, if someone is apparently happy and successful or is affected badly because of doing things that are contrary to God, the right attitude from our side would be to pray that they find the way back to Him, that they discover that working for the expansion of God's kingdom in our personal calling is what truly makes man happy, for this gives man a peace the world cannot give. Now, this takes me to the last point: there is no need then to compare ourselves with others, because my mission is not someone else's mission, and someone else's mission, be it to do something big or small in the eyes of others, is just as important before God. God does not repeat Himself and what I am called to do is particular to my life, but just as important as what God wants to accomplish through someone else.

Song lyrics

Every once in a while they come together
Hand in hand, envy and rage, to fill me everywhere
Every once in a while when someone has success
I feel distressed and I wish their unhappiness

What is this? What could it be that makes me dream of days of darkness?
What is this? How can it be that your success makes me so angry?
I feel so lost. It just doesn't make sense

Every once in a while they come together
Hand in hand, cruelty and joy, to fill me everywhere
Every once in a while when someone falls in life
I feel an intoxicating happiness

What is this? What could it be that makes me wish more days of darkness?
What is this? How can it be that your demise makes me so happy, jubilant, joyful?
Chorus
Every once in a while they tempt us to desire that things go wrong
That you fall down, that life becomes hard
Every once in a while I wish they never bothered us again
That you did well, that your joy were my joy

And I may never know where those feelings come from
They are like ripples in a still pond
And I may never know why those feelings come and go
It's just important that I don't fuel them with more thoughts
Fire meets fire only cos it's our own desire
The fire dies when it meets the field of peace

Chorus
Every once in a while they tempt us to desire that things go wrong
That you fall down, that life becomes hard
Every once in a while I wish they never bothered us again
That you did well, that your joy were my joy

Podcast platforms

This episode is part of the podcast "My Music, My Life" by singer-songwriter Raúl Hurtado

My Music, My Life - Raúl Hurtado

My Music, My Life podcast artwork showing Raúl Hurtado on a blue background
Find this episode on the following platforms

Apple Podcasts

Raul Hurtado on Apple Podcasts

Spotify

Raul Hurtado on Spotify

Stitcher

Raul Hurtado on Stitcher

Google Podcasts

Raul Hurtado on Google Podcasts

iHeartRadio

Raul Hurtado on iHeartRadio

Castbox

Raul Hurtado on Castbox

Deezer

Raul Hurtado on Deezer

Podcast Addict

Raul Hurtado on Podcast Addict

Podchaser

Raul Hurtado on Podchaser

TuneIn

Raul Hurtado on TuneIn

Enjoy the show?

If you enjoyed this episode and would like these thoughts about the root of envy to reach more people, a great way to do this is by giving a rating or review on Apple Podcasts. This podcast platform is perphaps the most popular platform for listening to podcast shows, and a rating on Apple Podcasts significantly increases the chance for other people to discover the show within this platform.

If you would like to leave a rating or review, you will need an iOS (=Apple) device. Simply tap on the bubble below, tap the Reviews tab/menu, then tap "Write a Review." Leaving a rating or review is of course free and it only takes a minute.

About the show

"My Music, My Life" is a podcast show centered around Raúl Hurtado's music. Raúl's songs are motivational, and can be described as small lessons that aim to nurture our spiritual lives while getting us closer to God, Jesus, and living in The Divine Will.